Holiday Warfare :: Personal Narrative, Autobiographical Essay

Holiday Warf atomic fleck 18   Brave custody of war fuck off faced adversities both physical and mental and risen above them as butter from cream. Chivalry and conquest rush carried soldiers from pole to pole and across the seven seas. Hardships of campaign life are legendary, and the iron men these trials created go down in history as examples to all mankind.   I have faced battle under duress and have learned I am not a brave man. Shell-shock is partially defined as a psycho neurotic condition akin to hysteria. To this day I am saddled with the memories of the day I was sent to battle in my grannies kitchen. No man should have to endure these conditions. Women can, with impunity, set foot in the estrogenically charged atmosphere of Grandmothers kitchen on Thanksgiving Day greater men than I, however, have been broken this way. Men of the world take heed, only the devilish brave or exceedingly foolish would choose to accept this near-suicide mission. nu meration myself as the latter, I offer my tale as counsel.   The day was overcast, coolness and thoroughly November. I answered the call to arms with the eager sincerity of a private fresh from basic training. My Grandfather wept openly, fearing for my life as I bade him farewell. I entered a young soldier brimming with braggadocio I returned a troubled man with bruised ego, clutching hard-won wisdom to my breast.   The fact that women are vastly better equipped for a culinary tete-a-tete with Grandmother should have been apparent to me after the opening salvo, but I was besides green, too new and shiny, to heed.   Have you seen your cousin Georges new haircut yet, Denny? asked Granny. Shot number one had been fired, and I did not even hear the air-raid sirens.   Yeah, I wish it, I answered with none of the suspicion that has dogged me at holidays since my tour of duty.   It makes him facial gesture like a porcupine, chimed in my Aunt Molly, cor rectly answering the astute part of the question and putting any doubts about the spike haircut and its loving value to rest.   Uncle Dwights been smoking again, Granny mentioned tersely.